I Am Not...

***ATT*** This blog post is Not worth reading. All about is Just my blah. One way to get the stress out from my system. So Why Am I posting this...? Just to remember... and in 30years... I will still look back this blog and remember some down part of myself in Parisian Life... ****************













An English Tutor,

or

A Piano Tutor.


If I were... I would be making more money in less hour, having actual deal, instead of all additional things on one plate. And I would be happyer.

I am hired as a BABYSITTER. Min wage, only payed working our, not travel time (yup in America... gas for car or travel time does get payed for tutoring job...). Maybe I did not know much when I started. But, very first family I started with, back in 2008, there are no problems. I do work for pretty low money. But I love it. They treat me well, as a babysitter.

Well... I hate yapping my all stress.
But... sometimes, as a babysitter, paretents try to just take you as an advantage... Which I can feel that. I hate it. I am in Paris to play the FLUTE. Make MUSIC. Maybe I do need extra money to enter some competitions or buying extra music or even de-stressing-dancing-outing... BUT. Babysitting. That what my deal was. Pick up girls, snack, and watch some piano, and stay there until parents comes back home... Yup, until parents comes back home. I dont know whats babysitter supporst to do. They kids are little, maybe play with. Totally OK with that. I love that. How about if kids are bit older, but still young, like in end of elementary school to eary middle school... What the baby sitter should be doing with them...? They know how to play with their self (reason why we get payed quite low right...?), most of home work is always done. Some help, i will help, but not for whole 30-60min. That is turtoring... especially when parents tells me to help their English (tack, one of my advantage, being a Japanese able to speak English...)... It was not in the deal when i started the job. Father found out... and asked me to help their English... play games, goes over homeworks, school work etc etc... When that happend, back in last year, I told to mother... (since father is always difficult to talk...) that I dont think it is babysitting. I could be working as a tutor... She understood. He... I dont know. No. And this year... its just gets wors... I even dont know I should post this blog, writting this much of my stress life... Well, lets hope no one is reading this. I might post, then take down.. arg. Anyways. I come home with girls... Papa was home. My brain goes... " ???? WHY ???? I didnt have to come... if he is home... I could really stayed home and practiced extra 3hours...." All in brain. Well, turns out, he still wanted me to watch them practice, help them with piano, and ENGLISH. Seriously... and getting payed like a babysitter. I told to him. It is not ok. Right now, I do need extra money, but money is not a problem. I need extra TIME for myself to practice if it is possible. He feels bad everytime he cancell my work, maybe because I am a student? Maybe. Money is good, but not good. I came to Paris to get better at Flute. Babysitting... just happend to become easy income, but I did not start turoring, because it puts more work on myself... but now what? Omg. Telling him made nothing better. I just left their house. Inside of myself, I am really thinking quitting this job... and just have less hour babysitting like I had last year. Babysittings which makes me smile. Well not all the time... little boys are tough, but easyer than dealing with parents... and money... fore sure. Ok, I need to cool myself down... I have never felt sometimes dealing with people is difficult. I am usually pretty good with interacting with people. I tell them, and they tell me. Many relationships I have with people, friends, are... 2 way street. But sometims... there are people only wants to go one way, their way. I am not OK with that... If they are friends... well, they will not by my friends... Busyness then... different story. But this is not committed busyness. So, I could really cut the string. This family's mother and myself are more 2 way street. But sometimes... it doesnt work, because, there are kids, because of Mother and Father... so, if we are not on same page, yup. School is about to get so busy. I will be starting more new chamber music with new people... Maybe it is time to just have less hours on babysitting before I loose myself in this mess... I can babysit or tutor anytime, in my life... if it is needed. Right now, I really should concentrate my study... Having this teacher is only possible in Paris. Having this many arts and music, is only possible in Paris (well, some other cities too...)... I have time limit on this life in Paris... So.. why am I stopping and yupping for hours... days... and moths...??

I think I know what I should be doing.
Writing out, just helped me little bit to clear myself with my thoughs.
What is most important for me.
I have wonderful family who supports me while I am here...
(they told to me not to work... and just do music/school work... working extra hours was my disition...)
Lost time will never be back.
Before it gets too late...
I have to make some action...





Tomorrow is an another new day.