Saddest Day of the Life... Built Up Habit...

Poor body. My body is a broken mess.

I have discoverd that my hip popps in and out back in when I was 13years old... I did go to see doctores, 3 different ones, about it. They all exams, and all came up with same thing... "Snap Hips"... which if I want to get treatment, I have to get oparations on my both hips...

Time flew, and this passed 10years, I found way to live with this body... since only one treatment was to oparate and I did want to go through it... I still would like to avoide getting oparation.

Anyways, today... I have discovered that I have build up such a bad habit on my body because of this hip. If I have met my doctore here in eary period of my life... my body have treated so well for sure...

In physical therapy session today, my doctore noticed that i cannot stand up straight, with supporting myself with own hip... It sounds crazy, but when she helped me to stand up myself straight with correct alighnment on body... I could not do it. My leg would not open, my knee just wants to go back inward... I just could not let the stiffness go... with this posture, my foot even could not touch the floor... crazy fact. As unconfotable as I was with this posture, amazingly enough I was able to breath better and play the flute better, or it was more like air came into me naturally and I was able to blow without trying a bit... ... Applying all infomations Jean has given me. With this posture, everything worked... very exciting things... But I could not stand how unconfotable I was with this way!!

So I told to her that I have had this hip problem for almost 10years now... and did not get any treatment on it, espcially the solution being the operation... She was not happy to hear that non of the doctors gave me other options or they even could not suggest me other way to treat it... Since then, I was pretty much all given up for this hip problem I have and just to live with it for my life.

Well, finally I met someone... who can maybe help me with this...

Interesting enough, all problems were coming from my hip... because of Snap Hip, I have built weird habit on my posture, most simple thing... but this lead to i cannot stand up straight with right posture... which blocks my back and my back cannot support myself... and when let the tention go, i cannot let it go... and creats tention on arm, which leads to hand to fingers... This is just to much.. I am super dissapointed on myself quite bit right now with how my body have built up for ever...


Going back to lessons with Jean, he always mentioned and still mentions that support comes from earth... through your back... and letting hip goes free... pretty much, he is all about having 'natural body', when it comes to making own music. You play like you talk to someone. You do not change who you are... because of flute... I love his ideas, I think it is so true.. and because of this his music is so direct and personal. His music pushes the emotional button inside of you.. which is hiddedn very deep inside of you. Anyhow, lately he had pointed out my knee... when he told to me to let hip tention go, my knee bent inward, which was the reaction i automaticaly got.... he has pointed out quite many times now... and I am awar of it but it happens without thinking..


Today is the new beginning... of my life... Today, I feel like all pieces of infomation came together. As painful as to accept all, I am very thankful. The problem was bigger and serious problem than I have ever imagined. In long run... I would not have had baby in the future... because of this hip-problem and not able to support own body. How can I support extra wait someday I have a baby...? Good thing is, that my doctor told to me I can treat this problem and make it better... and it is not too late 'yet'.... Hopes are still up...